Selected for publication and cutline placement in Portal Magazine’s 2026 issue via blind judging — meaning the editorial team chose it without knowing who wrote it. The story explores the perils of modern dating and deeper issues of self-worth through the vehicle of a parrot that’s too smart for its own good. A seed that will grow into a larger novel.
“A Fine Mess” started out as a lesson in self-worth for a loved one. It was intended to form a message to the reader: to not allow yourself to be diminished in exchange for superficial friend or partnerships.
It features Alistair, an African Gray parrot born under unusual circumstances, who has a cognitive ability unique amongst his kind: human-level intelligence. A sophisticated, cynical, sarcastic parrot with a penchant for philosophy and a no-nonsense attitude toward the world at large and his “owner”, Cecelia, a young thirty-something seeking companionship in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people.
Alistair shuffled across his perch. “I assure you this is not a prank, you vapid twit. This is a cosmic joke, consciousness manifesting in an unexpected vessel.”
“A Fine Mess” is intended to be a satirical comedy approaching one of the many elements of modern dating that people tend to overlook when seeking a partner: their own self-worth.